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Jānis
had stepped out of the world that had been his reality until
only a few moments ago. He felt that he was now on the edge of an
enormous crater that stretched across the universe where, until
recently, his world had spun around the sun. Hovering so close to the
crater, he could feel its depth and its size, and he could also feel
that he was being pulled closer and closer to an edge that was not
even or firm and that, in parts, fell away in sheer, endless
perpendicular lines. Somewhere, along the edge, there was a
flickering light. It was the only light in all the darkness of this
strange world, and Jānis knew that he must not lose sight of it. He
stepped back from the edge and hugged his sister very tightly. He
thought it was strange that they were in two different worlds, and
yet, somehow, they were still together.
“It
will be all right, Nika. Don't worry.” He wanted to tell her about
the light, but he was not sure if she would understand. He said,
“Things will work out. Just wait and see.”
The
light would become stronger. He wanted to be able to tell
her that, but she was not standing on the crater, and she could not
see the light that was in the distance. He would fight with the Rifles,
and he would fight for Latvia, and eventually the Bolsheviks would
take power, and the war would come to an end. When that happened,
Latvia would be free. He knew that he had to believe in that
happening, otherwise there was no point to anything any more. He
kissed her lightly on the forehead.
The
officer with children was talking to him now; he needed to be
leaving, and, while he was possibly thinking of the impending
darkness and the cold, he may have also been thinking of his wife and
his children somewhere in Russia. Or else, he may have been thinking
about endings and new beginnings, or perhaps he had stopped thinking
altogether, after all the orders that had been given,
and all the men who had died.
Then
the officers and Jānis
were gone.